it wasn't lemon gatorade
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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