Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
