I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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