Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My vagina just clenched in fear
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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