Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
