You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
