Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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