ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
