We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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