Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
