I feel great
I just peed on a car
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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