woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
