I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
