That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
