I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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