The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
