I think I just saw someone hide a body.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
