the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
