Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
