Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
