Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's shark week go big or go home
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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