i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize