why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
