Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
