I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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