What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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