Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize