just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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