plz talk dirty to me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
