i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
