I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
