My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
