So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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