I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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