I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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