i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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