Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
