mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
