i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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