Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
