The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Welp...herpes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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