He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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