We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
