to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
