her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
