Your face is a jimmy john
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
