in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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