you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
