Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
