I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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