my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
