i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
