I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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