i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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