my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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