found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
