TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
