SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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