how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
