I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
