i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
