The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dear god my vagina.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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