i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
