i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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