i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You ruined the universe
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize