Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
