Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
