I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
