Nicole vs. Life
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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