Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize