I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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