this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
