How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
