Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
