i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
