Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
