i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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