Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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