if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
