My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
