I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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