i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
