Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He shit in the fireplace
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