My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
