Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
