no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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