Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
