He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize