Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
