Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize