You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's always time for handjobs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
