If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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