we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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