So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's never too late to be topless.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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