I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
