So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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