so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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