I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
