Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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